It has been 7 months. We should have been celebrating Cora’s first Halloween and picking out cute costume(s) for her to wear. Instead, I packed up all of her clothes in the nursery. It was a very emotional and heart wrenching thing to do. I kept them out in case we were having another girl… Continue reading Month 7: Packing up.
A conversation I’ve thought of over and over again occurred before Paul & I drove back up to the hospital to be induced. We had been wondering around the house, in shock, trying to process what was about to happen. I was sitting on the edge of our couch, both of us were in tears… Continue reading Month 6: Have Courage & Be Kind (Cora’s Rules)
It seems now a days, we have “days” and “months” for everything. Some of my favorites are National Cat Day, Margarita Day, Cookie Day, Pancake Day…really anything that involves unhealthy eating/drinking habits or cats. To the majority of America, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was started in 1985 but I suspect it did… Continue reading October: No longer just the “pink” month.
Grief…it is a tricky thing. When you google “grief” there are countless resources at your fingertips to help you. I did not spend a lot of time planning out my grief…how can one really do that? My plan was (and still is) to feel everything coming at me. To not deny any feelings or sweep… Continue reading Month Five: Am I doing this right?
It has been four months since our Cora joined the angels in Heaven. I have had a lot of time to reflect on many things these past 4 months but I keep coming back to our community. Our “tribe” if you will. I have had many people tell me that they do not know… Continue reading Month Four: Our tribe
That is the phrase our high risk doctor told us in regards to what happened to Cora. It was an accident, a freak accident. Something that is statistically unlikely to happen…happened to us. His theory on why she passed away is akin to a “cardiac arrhythmia”. He gave us this example: “When a 50 year… Continue reading Struck by Lightening
Very soon after we lost Cora, someone whispered to me “guard your marriage”. I have no clue who said this to me but I distinctly remember hearing it. I was unsure what they meant and even a little hurt that someone would suggest I could lose my marriage after losing our daughter. But then the… Continue reading Month Three: Our Marriage
I came across a quote by President Ronald Reagan that says “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” There isn’t a word to describe them. That… Continue reading New Vocabulary: I am a what?!
The day after we got back from the hospital I heard a chainsaw in our front yard. I remember turning to Paul and saying “I bet our neighbors are tearing out our bushes.” You see, our “garden” in our front yard is where holly bushes went to die. It was overgrown with weeds, leaves, and… Continue reading Month Two: Cora’s Garden
I feel like that’s where we’re at right now. Maybe this…Maybe that. Maybe it’s a blood clotting disorder. Maybe it’s APLS. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe you’re body can’t sustain a pregnancy. Finally, I just sigh and say “who knows” while shaking my fists at the keyboard. I would say sky but keyboard is… Continue reading Maybe this, Maybe that.