I still find Cora in the light. I feel her when I sit in the warm sun. I hear her when the boys break out into giggle fits. I see her running with them around the backyard. I see good things happening in the world and I think of her. She is ever-present in our lives. She is our first born. She is our daughter. She is the reason we lead with courage and kindness. She is our reason we chose the light over the darkness.
One in Four women will experience pregnancy loss. It is a fact. A terrifying and deeply saddening fact. I know that I am proof of this statistic. The year I was pregnant with Cora, I had 3 other friends who were pregnant. Literally, I was the 1 in 4 in that group. I remember thinking… Continue reading One in Four.
I think back on these last six years (and last year in particular) and my heart swells with pride. When we met six years ago, I had no idea the adventures I was about to embark on. From the lazy sundays spent watching Lost and eating Cafe Izmir to our epic road trip to New Orleans & Pensacola. From visiting Harry Potter world to unpacking boxes in our new house. From our “reading dates” to our gym dates. Life with you sure has been beautiful.
There is an unexpected grief I have been introduced to. Grieving the loss of who I used to be. My daughter died. I am different now. I am not the same person. How could I be? There is a need to fix things once you have been broken. Glue all the pieces back together. Maybe throw… Continue reading The Unexpected Grief
I have typed and retyped this entry 4 separate times. I even erased 1100 words worth of thoughts. I keep thinking I want this entry to go one way and then I find I’ve gone on a rant in a total different direction. I have such conflicting feelings about Mother’s Day this year. It feels… Continue reading Mother’s Day is for All Moms.
This is by the far the hardest post I’ve written in the past twelve months. It has been a full year since my heart was broken in the cruelest way. It has been twelve months since I gave birth to my daughter, my firstborn, the child who made me a mother. Twelve months since I’ve… Continue reading Month 12: Have Courage & Be Kind (Part 2)
Today marks 11 months since losing Cora. I have also reached 37 weeks pregnant with her brother. I have passed my point of loss of 36 weeks 6 days. We have spent much of this past month preparing our hearts and minds for the delivery of her brother. But at the same time, she has been on my… Continue reading Month 11: Preparing our Hearts and Minds
Cora was born at 36 weeks 6 days. But she was born still, “sleeping”. The exact date of her passing…I cannot be sure. That unknown has haunted me for the past 10 months. How could I, her mom, not know when she died? HOW? I still have trouble wrapping my brain around it. It hurts.… Continue reading Month 10: Past the point of loss.
I was not sure what to write about with this month falling in January. My only resolution lat year was to have a baby. Well yes I did have a baby but she was not alive when she was born. So, this year I will have the same resolution, just now need to add the… Continue reading Month 9: A Portrait named “Cora”
8 months seems impossibly long and incredibly short. This holiday season has come on fast and at times it has been overwhelming. It feels like I was just writing about month 7 but the nothing, not even the holiday hustle, stops for grief. As I wrote last week, we’ve had some rough days this holiday… Continue reading Month 8: Remembering You