I still find Cora in the light. I feel her when I sit in the warm sun. I hear her when the boys break out into giggle fits. I see her running with them around the backyard. I see good things happening in the world and I think of her. She is ever-present in our lives. She is our first born. She is our daughter. She is the reason we lead with courage and kindness. She is our reason we chose the light over the darkness.
It has been a while since I have written a post. This is in part due to being a new parent and having zero clue how to budget out my time. This is also in part to the emotional toll is takes to write a post. I usually write a post and its a huge… Continue reading Parenting Paradox
There is an unexpected grief I have been introduced to. Grieving the loss of who I used to be. My daughter died. I am different now. I am not the same person. How could I be? There is a need to fix things once you have been broken. Glue all the pieces back together. Maybe throw… Continue reading The Unexpected Grief
Cora was born at 36 weeks 6 days. But she was born still, “sleeping”. The exact date of her passing…I cannot be sure. That unknown has haunted me for the past 10 months. How could I, her mom, not know when she died? HOW? I still have trouble wrapping my brain around it. It hurts.… Continue reading Month 10: Past the point of loss.
Today we hit 31 weeks with Crockett! Last week (at 30 weeks), we had two more appointments with our regular OB and specialist. Which means two more opportunities to see our chunky monkey :). Both appointments went really well, great in fact! At each appointment we have a sonogram done but both sonograms are looking… Continue reading 31 Weeks: Is this your first?
8 months seems impossibly long and incredibly short. This holiday season has come on fast and at times it has been overwhelming. It feels like I was just writing about month 7 but the nothing, not even the holiday hustle, stops for grief. As I wrote last week, we’ve had some rough days this holiday… Continue reading Month 8: Remembering You
This past weekend, we busted out our Christmas decorations & Christmas Spotify playlists. Naturally, Kelly Clarkson is at the top of my playlist along with Pentatonix, NSYNC, Christina Aguileara, & Mariah Carey. If you do not know my age…I think my playlist will give it away. If only they had Spice Girls Christmas carols! Okaaay,… Continue reading Let your heart be light.
It has been 7 months. We should have been celebrating Cora’s first Halloween and picking out cute costume(s) for her to wear. Instead, I packed up all of her clothes in the nursery. It was a very emotional and heart wrenching thing to do. I kept them out in case we were having another girl… Continue reading Month 7: Packing up.