Well, it’s been a few weeks since we’ve given an update on our little guy. Generally, I’ve had a major lack in focus these past two and half weeks so trying to get anything done has been a hassle. Which is not normal for me. I am used to making my to-do lists and checking everything off! And yes, I know parenthood is going to change that :).

For starters, this kiddo is doing great!!!!! (I overly use exclamation points but there can never be enough after that sentence!) I’ve been going to the doctor(s) twice a week since we hit 33 weeks. My regular OB on Tuesdays and the Specialist on Fridays. So far all of the appointments have been going great. There have been a few hiccups at the Specialist but I think it has to do more with my past experience in loss than anything else.

I went in for my non-stress test as I normally do at the specialist. The nurse put on the monitor on my tummy to pick up the baby’s heartbeat but was having trouble (AGAIN!). He was kicking his legs out the other side of my belly so I knew he was there. I tried to explain that A) He is breech so his heartbeat isn’t in the normal place and B) I’ve got a weird shaped uterus so that puts him in an even weirder spot. But she insisted on putting the monitor on my left side where we could hardly hear the heartbeat. And no fetal movement was being picked up either…even though he was having a mosh pit on my right side. So after about 10 minutes they come in and see that his fetal movement is low so they decide to “buzz” him. It’s harmless but it does jolt them awake. Well I wasn’t looking when she put the buzzer on my belly and she buzzed him right on the head! His reaction was to stretch all his limbs at once. Making my whole stomach stretch in ways is should not have been. He was not pleased to have been buzzed (nor was I).

When they moved me into the sono room they questioned me again about his fetal movement. And again, I assured them I’d already taken two kick counts that morning (it was only 8:45 am) and I could tell them where he was kicking at that exact moment. They turned on the sonogram and sure enough, he was having a mosh pit! But now he was all jazzed up from the jolt so he wouldn’t stay still for the sono. He was kicking the nurse’s hand and turning all around. He may have my attitude when it comes to being ticked off ;).

Those type of appointments always leave me feeling a little unsettled. It’s just hard to keep a logical head in those situations. It takes a lot to make me fly off the handle but once I’ve reached that point…I do not calm down easily. So, I try to think through the situation first which has helped me stay calm.

But now onto the good news: He weighed in at a whopping 5lbs 14oz! Between his 32 week measurement and 34 week measurement he went from 55% to the 75%. He gained 1lb 4oz in those two weeks. It took me about 5 minutes to register that he now weighs more than Cora did when she was born. This tugged my heart a little but made me so grateful for this growing boy. The doctor said with my heart shaped uterus it is great news that he is still growing so well! And also with his hefty weight, it is going to be a miracle if he flips. Looks like the chunky monkey is stuck in breech position.

Since my last update, we were thrown the most precious baby shower! I dragged my feet on the shower for a long time…I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about it. Truthfully, I didn’t know how I felt about it until about the day before. I so badly wanted to celebrate this little one with some of the most important women I know. But I also just had a shower 11 months ago. People have been so kind and so generous to Paul & I in the past 3 years. We’ve had wedding showers, a wedding, baby showers, bereavement support, and this would be another event for our families and friends to devote time, money, and a lot of effort.

I am still navigating uncharted waters. I wasn’t sure if the baby shower would trigger memories or suppressed emotions. I wasn’t sure if I would randomly cry or feel guilty for seeing all these new things meant for our son knowing it would mean I’d have to take more of Cora’s things out of the nursery. It felt overwhelming to try and decide. But I went with my gut. After all, if there is anyone to have a breakdown with, it’s those women in that room.

Yet, it was a beautiful day! A truly beautiful day. Surrounded by some of the most important women in my life, I felt so loved and so cherished. I felt the love for our baby boy. And the right to feel JOY! To really feel that blissful excitement that comes with pregnancy, even if it was just for the afternoon. It is difficult to come by during a pregnancy after loss so I am grateful I decided to have the shower.

We are 17 days away from meeting our boy. 17 days people!! I have never felt more all over the place and super focused at the same time. My focus is solely on getting myself, Paul, and this baby through the next 17 days. Really everything else can wait. I have things I want to get done but you know what? If I don’t get through that list..who cares? I won’t care, Paul won’t care, and the baby won’t care once we are together at last!

We continue to be so grateful for everyone’s prayers, encouragement, and support. I feel like getting us through this pregnancy has been a real team effort, which is my favorite kind of effort. Every text, Facebook message, card, email, hug, and well wish has not gone unnoticed. We have been so moved by the love for our family and are so grateful for our community. I will be updating with a few more posts between now and the baby, subjects I wanted to cover or have been thinking lots about. But for now, thank you for all of your support <3. We love y’all lots!

Cheers to the Bright Side <3.